I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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