I think I died a long time ago.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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