I'm so fucking centered right now
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize