either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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