And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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