Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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