Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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