Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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