I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize