woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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