The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize