Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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