I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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