what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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