My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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