I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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