Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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