I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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