My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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