You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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