I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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