im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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