I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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