Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize