So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize