every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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