Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
thus making me awesome and them whores
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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