Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My ATM looks so different sober.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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