You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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