I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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