I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize