This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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