I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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