I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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