Cold hands, warm shart.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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