Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize