He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Randomize