dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize