We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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