oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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