You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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