I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
is it fun? or sober?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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