there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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