Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize