Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
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Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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