Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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