It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize