now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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