my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize