my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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